Net Neutrality!!

"Sex & drink" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/November_5_2009__Smutty_ShoutOuts.aspx

To Todd & Tina, husband and wife gossips – thank you so much, it’s an honour. As for retiring…I’ll still be gossiping as an old hag, promise. By then, perhaps, I can enlighten you about Sex & Drink. But for now, all I can tell you is to focus on the mouth.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

http://www.laineygossip.com/Miley_Cyrus_and_her_beat_me_out_low_classy_on_Ellen.aspx


Low classy Beat-Me Mouth


JailBait Miley Cyrus appeared on Ellen this week to promote Bolt and made everyone hate her even more.

See clip below.

I know. You want to slap her in the beat-me mouth, don’t you? That voice, that cackle – how many cigarettes do you have to mainline to achieve that cackle? And the low classy chair fidgeting. My mother would have twisted me by the ear and dragged me down to the stinky vegetable market to mix with the villagers if I low classy chair fidgeted like that on national television.

She has a thing, my mother, about body twitches. Like when you see someone seated at a restaurant, and they’re bouncing one leg up and down under the table? It’s the worst habit ever.

According to my mother, it’s also a sign of poor breeding. She’s been known to request a different seating arrangement if someone next to her starts bouncing their legs. And once, particularly offended by a particularly offensive leg bouncer, she actually hissed “Cha!” into his ear as she swept by on her way to the loo, claiming she had sneezed.

Never mind that she eats with her mouth open.

It all goes back to the old days. Picture a narrow street in Hong Hong at night, the sewers are stinky, the people are stinky, and the triads are running the show. And a group of punk ass gang members holds court at a sidewalk noodle shop, all wearing beater tanks, their underarm hair poking out like black insect legs, a cigarette or a toothpick out the side of their mouths, legs spread open and one hand braced on one knee bouncing up and down kissing their teeth and hurling obscenities at the ladies walking by…

THAT is Miley Cyrus.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 1:14 PM
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"Sex & drink," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_04nov09.aspx

PS. The reference to a “billion dollar brand” was not ironic. Sex & Drink is not Ali Lohan. Heh.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009
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"Rough patch, happy ending" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Star_Magazine_reports_that_Chris_Martin_cheats_on_Gwyneth_Paltrow_with_Kate_Bosworth.aspx

Gwyneth humiliated

Star Magazine is definitely not the most trustworthy source. Most of it is bullsh-t. But this is a story that cannot be ignored. The new issue of Star Magazine includes an explosive allegation – Chris Martin cheated on Gwyneth Paltrow with Kate Bosworth. Yes. Her again.

Ordinarily, considering it’s Star, the immediate reaction is to dismiss. But here’s why this report might be different. Because several magazines were investigating it a few days ago. I received calls about it on Saturday from other magazines. Chris and Kate were supposedly kissing in the open at a U2 show in Vegas two weeks ago in plain view. Which means that there was more than one witness. And each witness went to a tabloid. And each tabloid was scrambling to source it. And Star Magazine beat everyone else to the punch.Because their fact checkers are faster? Heh. Needless to say, reps for all three have issued denials. Because reps NEVER EVER lie.

The new issue of Star Magazine hits stands tomorrow. etalk has a special preview tonight. So should we believe it?

Well…

There's precedent. I’ve been telling you about Kate Bosworth. My sources told me she allegedly pursued Jim Sturgess relentlessly during 21 without respecting the fact that he had a girlfriend. She did the same recently with Alexander Skarsgard and Evan Rachel Wood. She does not seem to care. If she wants it, she goes for it. Must be a food deficiency. And of course whatever “happy” makes her happy.

As for Chris Martin… if you’ve been reading this site long enough, you already know about those old rumours. London was buzzing about something with a civilian nearly two years ago and more recently, Chris and Gwyneth hit a rough patch like this before that resulted in a positive resolution. But those were kept undercover. They were not blown out publicly with G plastered all over the papers, embarrassingly portrayed as the jilted, homely wife betrayed for a younger version of herself.

How utterly…common.

And that’s the humiliation, isn’t it? Not only is her husband cheating, but now it’s become supermarket material. Gwyneth’s face alongside Jon & Kate plus 8. In her circle, this s the ultimate insult.

And you hate her so much, you’ll probably say she deserves it. Yeah, Gwyneth deserves a lot of snark, she deserves your derision a lot of the time too. But she doesn’t deserve a prick ass husband and a skank crank hag who always hankers for what doesn’t belong to her.

Watch etalk tonight for more details on what Kate and Chris were doing and how flagrantly they behaved afterwards.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 at 8:12 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_03nov09.aspx

PS. Sex & Drink is not Taylor Swift.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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"Sex & drink" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/gossip.aspx

From Lainey's "Gossip Guide"
JailBait Miley Cyrus

The Mouse churns out virgins pimped out by their parents claiming to be eternal virgins in love with the Lord. Yay for child stardom!

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Miley_Cyrus_hacked_revealing_racy_photos_she_sent_to_a_Jonas_Brother.aspx

Jailbait gets hacked

Another round of Miley Cyrus “scandal” shots – scandalous for Disney, that is, but totally normal for any sex-obsessed, boy crazed 16 year old. The only difference is that THIS 16 year old has become a brand. A projected billion dollar brand.

Once upon a time, teenagers were simply entertainers, which was bad enough. Nowadays it’s not enough. Nowadays teenagers become corporations. It’s called selling jailbait, the product of parental pimps, greedy as f&ck, getting into bed with media conglomerates turning adolescence into a marketing strategy.

So here’s Miley, taking innocently provocative photos of herself – photos that were supposedly sent to one of the Jonas Brothers. Apparently someone hacked into her email, leaking these shots with the promise of more (and worse) to come.

The most offensive thing about these shots is that mouth. She thinks that mouth is the sh*t. She thinks that pout is the badass.

Jailbait... please!

Needless to say, Miley’s parents and Disney once again find themselves playing defence – who to blame this time? Last go round it was Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair, accusing them of taking advantage of a young girl who didn’t know better.

But this time, it’s Miley’s camera, Miley’s inbox. So what’s the spin now? How do they protect their commodity while depriving it from the experiences every teen is curious about and entitled to?

And still, every weekend at the mall, they come in droves: moms and dads lining up at the “talent agent booth” hoping their precious darling will become the “next”. Pimping is now an honourable profession?

Click here for more Miley pics.

Monday, July 14, 2008 at 5:47 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Sex_and_drink_blind_item.aspx

When do the drugs kick in?

Not that you need me to tell you that she’s not so innocent but this is the sh-t that goes on behind the glossy glitter, the packaging, and a billion dollar brand that must, at all costs, be protected.

There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago. She was actually bragging about it, because of course she desperately wants people to know that she’s having sex. There was a serious sit-down, a discussion about the ramifications of her actions, and a promise from her handlers that she’d be controlled with an agreement that control also comes with a “get rid of the problem” policy that the Lord probably wouldn’t approve of.

Turns out she wasn’t pregnant. But she is drinking. And boastful about it too. Once again, it’s the yapping that keeps getting her in trouble.

At a shoot recently, she didn’t realise her mic was on. They all get caught with their mic on, don’t they? What came out of her mouth?

Oh, only a lot of talk about her experience with “getting f-cked”, like proudly, and more boasting about her flavour for “dirty martinis”, apparently her drink of choice. Great lessons from mommy and daddy.

Monday, November 02, 2009 at 7:06 AM

Update (11/05/09):
clue 1
clue 2
denial 1: Taylor Swift
denial 2: Ali Lohan
reveal
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