Net Neutrality!!

"Doctor's orders" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/People_Magazine_whitewashes_George_Clooney_girlfriend_Elisabetta_Canalis.aspx

I posted this article yesterday about George Clooney’s new Italian piece and a clip that a reader called Claudia sent me that allegedly shows Elisabetta getting, um, a fellatio facial. The last line of that article read:

How will People Magazine deal with her past? Will they whitewash her resume?

Like 2 hours later, People.com did indeed profile George’s lady. And they made her sound like the most entrepreneurial, successful, well rounded woman ever. Of course they did. Because George Clooney must be sold to the MiniVan this way. I don’t give a sh-t what Canalis did with her mouth. Don’t care about her history. But what’s fascinating is how her history will somehow be repurposed because of who she’s dating.

As for whether or not all this is fair what’s she’s going through – she loves it. Trust.

Now. About that link. It says it’s her. And they say it’s her. But there’s so much – errrr – covering her, Jacek has been researching, watched it a few times, can’t make a conclusive identification except to say the features certainly match, and she’s dabbled in soft core before too.

I’ve received your emails and many of you want to see it. So let me warn you again. It’s LEWD. It’s VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY GRAPHIC.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

DO NOT CLICK IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT.

EXTREMELY HARDCORE.

Here

Friday, July 31, 2009 at 8:23 AM


That’s why she’s the Italian Queen

What’s the big sh-t about Elisabetta Canalis? Why the drama?

Italian police have busted a few local clubs for alleged drug activity and pimping. Some witness testified that she may have used cocaine with the Italian Queen a couple of years ago. That’s pretty much the extent of the story. The Italian Queen used to roll at a shady club for a few rails and maybe f-cked for some cash on the side and suddenly this is news.

This is not news. This is what he likes. He likes it rough and dirty, he likes it not sweet, he pays well but she can’t be well behaved, and definitely not MiniVan. You don’t think he knew? Of course he knew. You have known this for a long time. But the MiniVan, well they didn’t know. They refuse to know.

Several US media outlets have published stories about the scandal including Huffington Post and Us Weekly but curiously enough People.com has yet to address it. What’s Clooney’s next move? Does he cut and run, or does he offer an exclusive in exchange for some whitewashing, and just in time for the release of The American on September 1st? Many are expecting The American to be on the Venice Film Festival list when their lineup is announced. And with Ely by his side, defiantly refusing to release her, keeping her his Italian Queen.

Please. A little drug prostitution scandal isn’t holding back Ely Canalis. A girl with her roots doesn’t get to Lake Como without a little resourcefulness.





Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:14 AM


http://www.laineygossip.com/George_Clooney_accompanies_Elisabetta_Canalis_to_Milan_Fashion_Week_27sept10.aspx

Publicly nuzzling the Italian Queen

Pay your f-cking respects. This, golddiggers, is about as solid as it gets. And I wonder now if anything can take the Italian Queen down.

She has endured a cocaine and prostitution scandal in Italy proper that was not only contained and controlled immediately, with no North American penetration, but she’s managed to overcome it even at home, during Milan Fashion Week, flaunting her superior strategic machinations in the faces of her enemies but appearing front row at Cavalli, and then – the ultimate trumping – hand in hand with Him at Giorgio Armani today.

In which he looks delirious. Almost drunk on her love.

In which he nuzzles her for the cameras, happily.

In which he will continue to open doors, offer opportunities, so long as she keeps up the magic.

She makes it look effortless. She deserves the photo caption.

It’s George Clooney who is accompanying Elisabetta Canalis.

Also attached – Roberto Cavalli. Because amazingness will never be denied.

Monday, September 27, 2010 at 11:07 AM

Doctor's orders
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Ryan_Gosling_back_to_back_films_just_booked_George_Clooneys_The_Ides_of_March_29oct10.aspx

They were all on set yesterday shooting a scene in which there’s a pawn shoppe robbery or something – Ryan Gosling, Christina Hendricks, and Carey Mulligan in pink. Really not sure why they keep dressing him like an Elvis impersonator but whatever, when that jacket comes off, there’s not much to complain about. And there’s nothing to complain about when you consider his schedule.

Ryan’s two long-awaited films Blue Valentine and All Good Things (not really crazy about that trailer) will be released at the end of the year. Crazy, Stupid, Love, the comedy with Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon, Marisa Tomei, and Emma Stone (who isn’t in that movie???) is due out in April. They’re hoping to release Drive next year too. And as you’ve probably heard, he’s just been cast in George Clooney’s next directorial effort, The Ides of March, based on Farrugut North. Clooney will also star in the film. And you know, Clooney’s films never have to sit on a shelf waiting for distribution. In other words, there’s a lot of Ryan coming up. Given that we haven’t seen him at the movies since 2007, yes 2007, these are happy times.

Friday, October 29, 2010 at 1:51 PM

Doctor's orders
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Doctors_Orders_blind_riddle_08nov10.aspx

He like his sex unconventional. Some would call it experimental, certainly vigorous, and definitely physical. Maybe too physical. Mixing pain into his pleasure, and cutting very, very close to a dangerous line is taking its toll on his body. He shows up with strange bruises, the next week it’s a minor fracture, his neck has been strained, sometimes there’s a knee brace, the shoulder’s been f-cked up for a while, and his back is a chronic issue too.

The excuse of course is that he’s active, that he exercises, he’s sporty, and that’s true, yes, but the injuries are not sustained while playing pickup, no, not at all. The injuries happen when he’s doing his business with his steady girl, a willing and capable participant.

His doctor is aware of what’s been ailing him, and WHY it’s ailing him. Helps when he can. But he’s been urged to take it easy because lately it’s been getting too rough. Especially with insurance and medicals and all that kind of paperwork, it’s hard to explain away the cuts and sprains, the little accidents that seem to be occurring with increasing frequency. He’s so into it, and he gets so off on it, it’s hard from him to curtail his fun. But they all agree, at least it’s been the case in the past, that when it’s time to get to work, he manages to keep his freak under control.

Monday, November 08, 2010 at 8:05 AM

Update (12/07/11):

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"How he lost it" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Justin_Bieber_crushing_on_Emma_Watson_20aug10.aspx

You think Kanye West has a big ego?

As obnoxious as Kanye can be, and I love him for it so much, there’s no ego bigger than the ego of a 16 year old boy-child superstar with the world at his feet. And if you think he’s too young and wholesome and milk and cookies sweet to swagger with the best of them, just because he calls his mommy and remembers to thank God, you haven’t been paying enough attention to Celebrity.

So Justin Bieber’s baby fever is apparently getting hot for Emma Watson. Yeah. Emma Watson. And apparently this is how he would entertain Emma Watson:

“I would love to take her out for dinner. It would be great if she could come to one of my concerts, then we could hang out afterward. I love the fact she is one of the biggest female movie stars, but has chosen to go back to college. It shows she is really grounded and normal.”

Yes, little guy, but are you?

Hey girl, come to my show, watch them watching me, screaming, and wanting, and then consider yourself lucky to have some of my time.

Really?

No.

Emma’s not going anywhere near it. But she’ll get hated for it anyway. You’ve heard how TwiHard his fans can get, right? She’s in danger now. Like deep, deep sh-t.

Friday, August 20, 2010 at 10:28 AM

How he lost it
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
[Comment From Kaley ]
Lainey what are your thoughts on Chelsea Handler dating 50 cent. She's always been pro gay and he constantly makes homophobic remarks. Has she jumped the shark with this relationship and her friendship with Aniston. There seems to not be any more edge.
Lainey: Kaley - yeah, I agree. Lost edge. And, frankly, her jokes about Lindsay Lohan getting cranked are probably a little hypocritical.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM

Her First Request
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
[Comment From Michelle ]
Natalie Portman is up her ass? Hmm perhaps she's the girl counter part of the blind riddle...
Lainey: Michelle - no, she's not. And being up her own ass isn't necessarily a bad thing. Nice people are overrated.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM

How he lost it
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
[Comment From kk ]
alex rodrigez is the blind item right??
Lainey: KK - no.
[Comment From brigha ]
Please tell me the blind isn't Cory Monteith...
Lainey: brigha - not him
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM

How he lost it
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
Lainey: Clue clue clue: fixating on the physical size of the ass and the notoriety of it isn't leading you in the right direction.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM


How he lost it
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
[Comment From Mina ]
Lainey and Sarah... there is lots of speculation that Demi checked into rehab for coke, sex problems, and an eating disorder. thoughts or confirmations? denials? do you know?
Lainey: Mina - there are a lot of rumours flying around about her alleged promiscuity. I don't know if I believe all of it, but I believe *some* of it. They all have eating disorders. Some just manage it better than others. And she has the full list of other sh-t that comes with child stardom too. So all in all, it's a long list of drama.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM

How he lost it

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_02nov10.aspx
[Comment From Molly ]
blind: joe jonas and ashley greene?
Lainey: Molly - no
Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 11:56 AM

How he lost it

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Review_of_Cesar_Millan_show_in_Victoria_28oct10.aspx

The Dog Whisperer in Victoria


Cesar Millan is touring. There was a show in Victoria, British Columbia earlier this week and I have heard from a few people who were there, all with rather negative reviews. Not just like – oh, I didn’t find his information helpful or he just repeats the tv show, nothing new here, but like straight up OFFENDED, full on hate, will never ever support him again. Que???? You’re shocked, right? Should you be shocked?

Before I go into the details though, in the spirit of fairness, please do write to me if you were at the Cesar Millan show in Victoria and did not see this go down, or if you interpreted his words differently. Let me know if you thought it was wonderful and were not insulted. Because the way Lindsay P saw it that night, well, she called him a “total prick”. Her abridged account is below:

I went and SAW Cesar's "show" last night in Victoria, BC and I will be SHOCKED if I am the first person to write you in regards to that garbage. For the entire last half of the seminar I was composing this email to you in my head in complete ANGER. The first half started out fine... he was charming and funny and me and my sister decided we didn't CARE if you were right and he was a prick we loved him anyways....


THEN he kicked off the second half after intermission by comparing dogs to women in third world countries. Not even kidding you. You see Lainey, dogs today have too much food and affection. They are fat and loved but they have no discipline and exercise and therefore are unhappy.... women in third world countries, well they have no food and no affection but plenty of discipline and exercise and they are unhappy too. You see? Dogs and women need food, love, discipline and exercise, all FOUR....just imagine if you tried to tell a woman to go to the gym... you have to TRICK them into doing it HAR HAR HAR... just like dogs. The arena went SILENT. This comparison carried on for about 5 minutes while he tried to dig himself out. It didn't work and he has lost me and I HOPE any other woman in that arena at that point.


The show went downhill pretty quickly from that point on. Some other points of disbelief and total stupidity included:


* Asking an audience member who adopted her dog from Kuwait if that was a place in Victoria
* Not understanding that Victoria was a City in a PROVINCE IN CANADA and not Canada in its entirety
* Many, many, Many "Jokes" regarding his illegal boarder jumping to America, immigration and Tacos
* The show in its entirety being laced with American jabs. The fat people, too stupid to walk a dog, the only race to elect and re-elect and follow an unstable "pack leader"


I can't WAIT until he brings this garbage to the States. I recognize that we as Canadians are probably to polite to boo him off the stage but I hope that SOMEONE WILL. He actually had a perfect analogy for it... The reason the little dogs think they are bigger and better than everyone else at the dog park is because they live in the arms of their master, at eye level, taller than all the other dogs. That's Cesar in a nut shell... being carried around on top of his fame and money and thinking he is better than everyone else. It is disgusting.


That is 3 hours and 70 dollars of my life I will never get back!


Cesar Millan is currently promoting a new book: Cesar’s Rules: Your Way to Train a Well-Behaved Dog.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 8:40 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Katherine_Heigl_you_shoulding_her_mother_while_out_for_lunch_27oct10.aspx

Katherine Heigl went for lunch yesterday with her mother. Always with the mother. Here’s another one who is rarely seen with girlfriends. I imagine Katie Heigl is one of those “You Should” kind of friends. You should do this, you should do that, I would do this, I would do that, she knows everything.

Is that something you get from your mom, like table manners? In these photos, gesticulating at the same time she and her ma seem to be you should-ing each other. Katie’s last movie Life As We Know It, currently in theatres, was not a huge success. For you fans of The Outlander series this could mean she might have trouble making that movie happen. Good news or bad news?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 12:01 PM

She's a piece of work
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_26oct10.aspx
[Comment From Pie ]
Um hello, where are Jennifer Anistons whereabouts? is she wroking on a new film or what? this is the longest I have not heard or saw her name in the press
Lainey: Pie - yeah because she got shamed into hiding after that dude said he f-cked her as a beltnotch.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 11:45 AM

Another Winner
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How he lost it

http://www.laineygossip.com/How_He_Lost_It_Blind_Riddle_02nov10.aspx

What’s “it”? What else?

He gave it to a more experienced older woman, if you can call her that, also living the public life and with it all its attendant miseries. Which could explain why she chose to, um, initiate him the way she did. Because his first time was certainly not conventional, at least not when I was growing up, but then again, maybe that’s what they do at summer camp now: losing your virginity through the backdoor...? Like he doesn’t have enough to swagger about these days, he also gets to boast about the fact that he’s already tried what so many boys to men and grown men want to try so badly. Now that’s a story that he can tell forever, and probably will, in a few years, when everyone stops caring.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010 at 7:22 AM

Update (03/15/11):

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She’s a piece of work

http://www.laineygossip.com/Piece_of_Work_Blind_Riddle_25oct10.aspx

Written by Sarah

There’s one in every family. The in-law no one likes. They manage to find a way to bring down every family holiday and gathering, provoking fights, hurt feelings, and general awkwardness. You stare at the brother/sister/cousin/aunt, or maybe even parent, who introduced this unpleasant individual into your clan and think, Were you high when you proposed?

For this family, their “piece of work” is a loud-mouthed, famous blonde who insists on smoking at the table during family gatherings (the family patriarch is very health conscious--this is not a smoking-tolerant family). At first, they didn’t mind her so much, sold on her bright smile and seemingly pleasant manner. But as soon as her public trouble was smoothed over, her real personality started coming out. Now, her constant cursing and insistence on injecting herself into the middle of everything is rubbing everyone the wrong way. When friends of the family visited they were shocked by her behavior and attitude. The family was like, yeah, welcome to our world.

But what really irks them is her habit of emasculating their son--not only in front of them, but in the press, too. Things have gotten so bad that they’ll tell anyone they wish their son would leave her, wondering why he still puts up with her, going so far as to say they’d “lobotomize” him to make him forget her.

Monday, October 25, 2010 at 6:47 AM

Update (03/15/11):

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"Hair issue (#1)" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_very_thin_attends_NY_City_Ballet_spring_gala_30apr10_.aspx

Sarah Jessica Parker attended the New York City Ballet spring opening last night. Love the jacket over the dress. Love. But... she is deathly thin right now, non? Like more so than usual. Perhaps it’s the stress of running after two babies and a preschooler. I’ll say it again though – she’s never slammed for her veins and her emaciated frame. Because the MiniVan Majority loves TBS Sex & the City. So fabulous! Let’s have cosmos followed by “exotic” Indian food!

Sex & the City 2 is coming. Which means the Dress Porn is coming. Which could be the only reason to see it. Interesting article in the LA Times about Carrie’s ridiculous logic defying wardrobe. Click here to read.

Friday, April 30, 2010 at 11:02 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_Costume_Institute_Gala_2010_.aspx


She does a hair flower better than anyone else. I want to do a hair flower one day. But mine is so slippery the flower wouldn’t stay. And I’d keep cocking my head to one said and my neck would crick. Fashion, so often, is about suffering. It really really is.

Sarah Jessica Parker wore Halston because, like, she “designs” for the line now. All that design work, and raising three children, and making silly Sex sequels must be cutting in her sleeping and eating time because goddamn she is bones right now. And she’s already been choosing Body > Face for years.

Am so curious though, if for one year SJP would allow herself to be pick Face > Body, what would that look like?

Tuesday, May 04, 2010 at 11:36 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_arrives_at_Alexander_McQueen_in_London_May_2010.aspx


We can all relate to SJP

Well can't we? This is what they try to sell us on, isn't it? I read an article recently where she said that she eats whenever she wants and whatever she wants because life is too short for deprivation and she couldn't imagine existing without the joy of food. Some sh-t like that.

So here's the relatable, food-enjoying Sarah Jessica Parker, the morning after the UK premiere of Sex & the City 2, arriving at the Alexander McQueen offices today in London in jeans and heels showing off her relatable, food-enjoying legs. We can all relate to her thighs being the same size as her calves because Carrie Bradshaw has great clothes and let's have cosmos and marry off our gays.

Friday, May 28, 2010 at 11:57 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Smutty_Tingles_19oct10.aspx

Lea Michele tries to be sexy. Wonder if she waxed. (Popeater)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 at 11:29 AM

Hair issues

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_19oct10.aspx
[Comment From Mel ]
I was right, Anorexic Hair is Lea Michele!
Lainey: Mel - nope.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010 at 11:53 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_19oct10.aspx
[Comment From sara ]
lainey, is catherine zeta jones the one with the hair problem that cost her a role?
Lainey: Sara - not Zeta.
[Comment From Laura ]
Lainey-- The blind item about hairy arms, Kristen Bell?
Lainey: Laura - no
Tuesday, October 19, 2010 at 11:53 AM

Hair issues

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"Hair issues," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Keira_Knightley_Carey_Mulligan_Andrew_Garfield_at_London_Film_Festival_photo_call_for_Never_Let_Me_G.aspx

Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan were lovely together today at the London Film Festival photo call for Never Let Me Go. SO cute. The hair is the same-ish now, and they were born 2 months apart, just 25, and both nominated for Oscars, and both among the elites on a short list of top actresses, and neither one of them have these issues.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 9:15 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Smutty_ShoutOuts_13oct10.aspx

Tranny Ego Blow is NOT David Foster.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 7:03 AM

Tranny Ego Blow
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
Lainey: Final notes - guesses: not Jennifer Hudson, not Mila Kunis, not Kristen Stewart, not Joe Jonas, but this is my favourite guess ever of all time. Because the thought of Joe Jonas having an unkempt private area makes my life.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
Lainey: Not Natalie Portman, not Vanessa Hudgens, not Taylor Lautner (this is hilarious), not Taylor Swift, not Emma Stone.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
[Comment From Aimee ]
Evan Rachel Wood for either BI?
Lainey: Aimee - no.
[Comment From Ms. Estella ]
Hair riddle--Renee???
Lainey: Estella - no. HI!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
[Comment From Caroline ]
Blind Item #1 - Angelina Jolie?
Lainey: Caroline - no
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
Share/Bookmark
http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
[Comment From Al ]
Hair..Megan Fox?
Lainey: AJ - no
Lainey: And for everyone asking - it's not Keira Knightley either.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
Share/Bookmark
http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
[Comment From AM ]
Lainey: The anorexic hair = leighton meester?
Lainey: AM - no.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
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"Hair issues (#1)," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
Questions from Nadia: P.s. Hair Issue #1: Kelly Osbourne?
Answer from Lainey: Not Kelly Osbourne.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Hair issues
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_12oct10.aspx
Questions from Nadia: Yo Lainey, do you predict any ugliness (which no doubt exists) will surface out of the Cox Arquette breakup?
Answer from Lainey: I don’t predict any ugliness. Did you hear Arquette on Howard Stern today? He’s being very candid and still rather classy about it all. There’s a lot of respect there, from him to her anyway. I don’t know about the other way around. What? Never! Courteney Cox is not a belle from hell! Oh please.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM

The Belle From Hell
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Christina_Aguilera_Jordan_Bratman_split_12oct10.aspx

Maybe she’s bored for a while

They were married when she was just 24. And marriage is hard enough without the craziness of celebrity. That they made is this far is an achievement. After all, with baby, that period post-partum, they’ve had their challenges.

Us Weekly is reporting exclusively that Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman are over. Apparently, like Cox and Arquette, it’s been a few months now. They’re working out their money and custody issues, probably in that order.

Why?

Oh don’t forget, she may not have imploded as spectacularly as Britney Spears but it’s not like they’re not the same in that way. They grew up in that fame bubble. They’re nuts. And there’s boredom and unquenchable curiosity and boundary issues and temptation and particularly for her right now that fear that she’s over, that in the age of Lady Gaga, there might not be any room for her anymore.

What are the odds of success in maintaining a marriage in the face of all that?

Nothing like a new flirtation anyway to invigorate a career. And save it with the lack of compassion accusation. She sold her wedding and baby photos. I mean, isn’t that the game we’re playing here?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 9:13 AM


Post Partum Flirtation

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Courteney_Cox_and_David_Arquette_announce_trial_separation_12oct10.aspx

Cox & Arquette: Coincidence or Conspiracy?

It’s one of my favourite questions.

As you now know, they announced a “trial separation” yesterday that’s actually been in effect for months. Something about trying to discover each other, themselves, and boundaries. It was written by a therapist and vetted by a publicist and the timing is curious on more than one level.

First, as TMZ reported, David’s been hooking up with some trick called Jasmine Waltz. She’s the broad who beat down Lindsay Lohan a few months ago. Photos were about to surface of the two of them together. So it was a pre-emptive strike. David called into Howard Stern this morning to confirm that he’s been having sex with Jasmine, but only after he and Courteney shut it down which was four months ago.

David also told Stern that Courteney doesn’t want to “mother” him anymore and that they remain the best of friends and that they do indeed hope to reunite but that they haven’t been intimate in months. Holy f-cking candid. I’ve decided I love him.

Click here for more details.

You’ll note then that David reveals that they split around June which, conveniently, was very shortly after rumours emerged that Courteney was allegedly having an affair with her Cougar Town co-star Brian Van Holt.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Oh but would it really have been the first time...?

You don’t think their relationship was conventional like that do you? How long is your gossip memory? Especially when it’s blind? Trust me when I tell you neither of them would find text messages incriminating, although others in a different position might not agree.

But Courteney Cox is a Friend. And she’s friends with a Friend. And she’s a Mom. She’s supposed to be Just Like Me. Or, rather, You.

They really never are.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 8:51 AM

Text Harassment
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http://laineygossip.com/Chelsea_Handler_to_join_This_Means_War_with_Reese_Witherspoon_.aspx

Am all over her wardrobe on this film. I mean, she never looks like sh-t but right now she’s never looked better. And those legs...

This is Reese Witherspoon shooting This Means War in Vancouver yesterday at the art gallery showing off a variety of facial expressions – zany! highjinks! goofy! Moviemaking is so bizarre sometimes.

Anyway, aside from Tom Hardy and Chris Pine, Reese is getting another co-star. Deadline just announced yesterday that Chelsea Handler is joining the cast to play Reese’s best friend. Oh well now that offscreen chemistry will be one to watch. You know Reese is about as square as it gets in Hollywood. And Chelsea... is not. Church together on Sundays? Unlikely, though it’s certainly preferable to f-cking around with 50 Cent.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010 at 8:20 AM

Her First Request
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_05oct10.aspx

Lainey: Helen Mirren is not a blind item answer.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Her First Request

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_05oct10.aspx
[Comment From Christie ]
Is the blind riddle Drew Barrymore?
Lainey: Christie - no
[Comment From guest ]
Riddle: The mess that is Avril??
Lainey: Not Avril either.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Her First Request

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_05oct10.aspx

[Comment From Tina ]
Today's riddle - Susan Sarandon?
Lainey: tina - no
[Comment From Jamie ]
Today's riddle. Totally Tina Fey right?
Lainey: Jamie - WHAT? No. Worst guess ever!!!
[Comment From gc ]
Today's riddle - Cameron Diaz?
Lainey: GC - no
Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Her First Request

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_05oct10.aspx

[Comment From Kelly ]
Is your blind item Kate Moss?
Lainey: Kelly - no.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Her First Request

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_05oct10.aspx

[Comment From irene]
is the answer to your blind riddle post today, lilo?
Lainey: Irene - no.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Her First Request

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Hair_issues_Blind_Riddle_12oct10.aspx

Two riddles about hair. Two different subjects.

1. When you don’t eat, when you deprive your body of essential nutrients, it reacts in ways to protect itself. One of the side effects of excessive thinnification is the fuzzy hair growth, a soft downy layer as the body tries to keep itself warm. And oftentimes on the face. Since food is not a regular part of her life, the thinnification hair on her face is naturally dark. They do a marvellous job of hiding it though – by bleaching and strategic photography and of course foundation, although it’s getting harder and harder to hide. And as a result she’s just lost a part because of it. The director loved her, he just didn’t want to go to such great lengths to camouflage her problem.

2. Young star of the moment was getting some action once and things were progressing along nicely until the boy headed down there and discovered that her situation was so umkempt, “like even more than the 70s”, he had to tap out. It was how she learned the importance of grooming. On a personal note though, let’s make this sh-t fair: maintenance goes both ways. It’s not just a female responsibility, male deforestation is a requirement too. Carry on then with your guesses now.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 7:16 AM

Update (10/19/10):
Issue #1

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Her First Request

http://laineygossip.com/Blind_Riddle_Her_First_Request_05oct10.aspx

Is always cocaine. Whenever she’s booked for something, whenever she’s scheduled to be somewhere, whenever she has to be on, or off, or pretty much standing these days, she needs a bump first, and the lowlies are required to procure her some, which she’ll eventually chase with hard liquor, a habit she’s become quite famous for.

Up until now she’s been able to manage herself quite well. “She’s always been a functioning drug user and drinker, she always gets her sh-t done.” But now that sh-t is turning nasty. It shows up on the side job, ugly, revealing, personal rants that go too long and elicit only embarrassment. Or it shows up as the bitch with her hand between her legs and her tongue stuck in the ear of some leering dickhead whose name she can’t remember the next day.

And her people aren’t doing anything about it. Because, frankly, “this is part of her image, it’s not like (she) ever pretended she never partied. When she talks about partying, everyone gets a cheque”. Enablers notwithstanding, it’s taking those who really care about her longer to notice.

In her case, then, I guess it’s the exact opposite of the child employees: they f-ck up because they’re not allowed to, she f-cks up because she’s encouraged to. Either way it’s becoming a serious problem, exacerbated by the fact that she was recently dumped by a dude who could no longer handle her lifestyle and then immediately moved on to a wholesome new broad 10 years younger.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 6:43 AM

Update (11/03/10):
denial 1: Lindsay Lohan

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http://laineygossip.com/Blind_riddle_04oct10.aspx

There was a party recently to celebrate the imminent arrival. So he took the opportunity to get dressed up, full lady costume, with his male friends, and sing and dance and flail about, and let the real him fly for a change, at least the afternoon, just like in the movies, while his expectant wife looked on... or away, I guess, depends how you see it. They say he feels free in character, this particular character.

But it wasn’t an open invitation for everyone. These curious affairs never are. Even the wait staff was required to have come off the same space ship. Like mandatory. While he would have preferred tall, dark, and handsome too, in this respect, at least lately, she’s been able to overrule him. Impulse control, however, has never been his strength. He’s been on a very, very short leash.

Monday, October 04, 2010 at 6:50 AM
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"Another Winner," it's not...

http://laineygossip.com/intro_29sept10.aspx

This by the way is not my Porny Simpson. That should pretty much take care of it, non?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 7:21 AM

Another Winner
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http://laineygossip.com/Robert_Pattinson_complains_about_paparazzi_following_him_after_party_in_Malibu_26july10.aspx

Robert Pattinson gold

These photos and this video are making my life.

Robert Pattinson went to the movies on Saturday with his agent. Then he hit up a party in Malibu. The paps were all over him. First time? No but this time a tweaky Pattinson was extra agitated about the attention, whining that they were following him, trying to enlist the help of the cops who didn’t give a sh-t, wandering around seemingly aimlessly, rubbing his nose in his totally inconspicuous, non eye-catching, blend-in-anywhere car.

It’s the best. Listen to that beast. He’s grinding the sh-t out of her. Does this kid know how to drive? A Prius would be a little more manageable, non? X17 was glued to him that day and they claim he tapped a parked car when he was pulling out of his spot after the party. I don’t know what kind of f-ckery they’re up to with their editing but they don’t seem to include this part in the video.

What they do include however is Pattinson meandering from here to there looking at times annoyed, at times befuddled, at times obliging, and sometimes even amused. I really love it when at one point he stops in front of the cameras, just after hating on them for making his life miserable, like it’s a red carpet on the middle of the street allowing them to shoot him.

This amazingness is matched however by the random fangirl who decides that now would be the best time to engage him in conversation about ... public speaking?

It’s hard to make out exactly but to me it sounds like she’s inviting him to be the key note at a convention...!!!

What do they do at house parties in Malibu? He should go more often, especially if this is how he comes out.

Monday, July 26, 2010 at 9:35 AM

Watching how he copes

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http://laineygossip.com/Jennifer_Aniston_should_not_be_blamed_for_Cougar_Town_bad_ratings_.aspx

Everyone was sh-tting on Jennifer Aniston yesterday about guesting on Cougar Town and not helping the ratings. As you know, I’m all over sh-tting on Jennifer Aniston, any time, it’s my favourite game, but the thing is, I just watched that clip and here’s one you can’t blame her for. Because goddamn this show is sh-t. Like really, really, really bad sh-t.

That part where she gets into the car and has to calm herself? It’s embarrassing. And it’s not like she wrote it either. She simply agreed to do it for a friend who hits her up for professional favours in exchange for secret keeping. That seems fair.

Besides, maybe it’s not that people were tuning away from Jen so much as they were f-cking running away from Courteney Cox’s face, WTF???

It’s horrifying. Especially when she tries to be “sad”. Something is happening with her eyes too. The more she pulls them up the lower they drop. And those lips look like they enjoy punching themselves. Then when you see that her neck seems like it’s about to snap from the tightness, you realise the fact the decline in ratings for Cougar Town really has nothing to do with Jennifer Aniston, and everything to do with the fact that, on so many levels, the show is totally unwatchable.

As for Aniston, again in her defence, had she been doing a guest spot on, say, Grey’s Anatomy or some such? The numbers would have been through the roof. It’s really time for her to go home. To television. She could be great there, especially in this era of The Good Wife and Nurse Jackie and Weeds and The Closer and the list goes on and on for strong female driven vehicles, how can that be any worse than The Bounty Hunter???

Friday, September 24, 2010 at 9:39 AM

Secrets from the BFF
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"Another Winner," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_28sept10.aspx

[Comment From dq]
Is the blind Kim Kardashian?
Lainey: DQ - no.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Another Winner
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_28sept10.aspx

[Comment From alli]
Today's blind (Another Winner) - is it about Anne Hathaway?
Lainey: Alli - no.
[Comment From Deb]
Blind: Another winner = Reese W she is in YVR!
Lainey: Deb - no.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Another Winner
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_28sept10.aspx

[Comment From Amy]
Was the blind Joel McHale (from The Soup)?
Lainey: Amy - No.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 11:42 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Jennifer_Aniston_on_date_with_Harry_Morton_Lindsay_Lohans_ex_02sept10.aspx

Jennifer Aniston: one degree of Firecrotch

Jesus.

It’s too much fontrum, please make it stop.

Jennifer Aniston picked up from Jessica Simpson and invited John Mayer into her bed.

Last night she was out for dinner with a mystery man. Radaronline.com has just revealed that it’s Harry Morton. Who?

Pink Taco?

Lindsay Lohan?

Her ex-boyfriend?

I mean...

Poor John Stamos. Because if John Mayer is good enough, and Lilo’s discards are good enough, you have to wonder why John Stamos, who says he doesn’t have sex and snort rails with underage extortionists, isn’t good enough. After all, Jen’s bar doesn’t seem to be all that high.

Um, also, Harry Morton was linked not too long ago with Lolita Hayden Panettiere. Goddamn it Jennifer, it’s like you’re trying to make us feel sorry for you. The worst part is, I kind of do. And I’d rather be hated than pitied. Just a personal preference. I guess she’s proven though that she doesn’t share it.

But think about it: Jennifer Aniston can now play Six Degrees of Firecrotch with just one step. Shame.

Thursday, September 02, 2010 at 12:39 PM

Another Winner
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http://www.laineygossip.com/blind_riddle_another_winner_28sept10.aspx

She certainly knows how to pick them, douchebag after douchebag. Although it’s ended with the last one who didn’t want to get serious he’s still getting a lot of mileage from their brief hook-up. Seems he has a really big mouth, and is telling everyone everywhere how much she wanted him. So much so that the first time they had sex, at a friend’s place, she was so horny and had to have him so badly that it didn’t matter that she was on her period. She pulled her tampon out on the spot, tossed it aside cavalierly, and invited him in.

He also keeps boasting to his buddies that she loved going down on him, especially in the car. Said it made her feel like she was still in high school, she got off on the danger...and she gets off on her own body. According to him, nothing made her as hot as hearing compliments about how tight she is. Like that would crank her up several notches. Typical asshole, looking back now, he says he’d just reel off some standard, premeditated one-liners, just to f-ck with her some more, and get her more enthusiastic on his ride.

He barely, barely matters, and she’s a big deal, and though it’s over now he’s using it like an item on his resumé, the very opposite of discretion, and for her, another romantic embarrassment, although maybe, given her obviously preference for dickheads, maybe she doesn’t see it that way.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 8:17 AM

Update (11/03/10):

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"20 July 2010 Live Blog" reveal 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Renee_Zellweger_Bradley_Cooper_double_date_at_Nobu_with_Jason_Bateman_09aug10.aspx

Renee & Coop double date

With Jason Bateman and his wife Amanda on Saturday at Nobu in Malibu. They all piled into the car afterwards, Bradley behind the wheel and everyone else looking like they’d enjoyed some sake which is what I enjoyed a little too much last time I was at Nobu in Vegas. All of a sudden you stand up and it hits you and for the next hour your friends don’t want to know you anymore.

Coop is enjoying some downtime before he starts shooting The Hangover 2 in... so predictable... Thailand this fall. He’s also apparently in talks to star opposite Robert DeNiro in a dramedy about a player who finally falls in love with a girl whose father hates him but then tragedy strikes and the two men must rely on each other. (Source Deadline) Sounds promising.

As for how things are rolling with Renee, obviously it’s going well. And by well I mean genuinely well even though so many of you believe she’s a beard. I wish I could tell you she was. Very much. But just because she’s f-cked up in the face doesn’t mean he’s gay. Like I keep saying, it’s not a valid reason. A man should be allowed to deal with a woman less attractive without homosexual assumption. It happens every day. That’s not to say however that these two aren’t a little co-dependent. Couples can share insecurity, non?

Monday, August 09, 2010 at 10:27 AM

20 July 2010 Live Blog
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Britney_Spears_trying_to_fix_sinkhole_in_the_back_of_her_head_weave_04aug10.aspx

Last time I posted a shot of her nasty ass weave, there was a sinkhole happening back there. Click here for a refresher if you really have to but be warned because, if you’re anything like me, the sinkhole will skeeve you. I had nightmares about that crazy sh-t in Guatemala for days.

So the Chicken Fried entourage went shopping yesterday. Britney went in wearing one outfit, came out with a new top. The mall is a closet for her. As you can see, they patched up the sinkhole. As you can see, it’s still a f-cking mess. The short chunks, that’s her own hair right? She shaved it off over three years ago. That’s all it will grow? I know this is unfair of me. Because while I don’t have pretty eyes or any bottom eyelashes or nice ankles and my face is lopsided and my nose is hawked, I have always had hair that is thick and grows fast and long and stays healthy no matter what I put it through. So I don’t get it about extensions. I don’t understand why you don’t just work it naturally, without gluing that ghetto straw all over your head. I mean look at Renee Zellweger. I’d take Renee Zellweger over this.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010 at 8:53 AM

20 July 2010 Live Blog
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Bradley_Cooper_Renee_Zellweger_wedding_rumours_and_tom_Brady_hair_10june10.aspx

Bradley, Brady, and Renee

Tom Brady went to the Celtics/Lakers game the other night and his hair was styled like this. And then Renee Zellweger was walking around with Bradley Cooper and family yesterday in New York and she was modelling the same bowl. Why is Tom Brady pissing on his hotness by borrowing Renee’s bowl?

That is problem #1. Problem #2 is the Curse of the Freebie Five. Just yesterday, not even 24 hrs ago, I shot Bradley Cooper up to the top. This morning Page Six posted an article about Renee Zellweger wedding dress shopping at Carolina Herrera and hanging out with his parents leading to speculation that the two might be engaged.

It’s not the validity of the story that’s troubling because, obviously, Renee Z is a longtime Herrera client. Please. She doesn’t have to SHOP there, Herrera would custom one for her no problem. And her rep has already debunked the report.

True or not however, the timing is for sh-t. They’re packaging him as the next big name. He has that quality that appeals to girls and to guys. Even Jacek is a fan now after The A-Team. So publicity surrounding him ending his single status, false as it may be, is not the kind of swirl you want around your star. It’s bad enough that most of you don’t understand why he’s with her, it’s definitely not great if you’re thinking he wants to marry her. And it’s not because I think she’s unattractive. It is however totally what she presents.

Coop’s public persona is not terribly unlike many of his characters. He’s pretty loose. He can throw down with Zach Galifiniakis. He’s a Todd Phillips man. He’s funny, he’s engaging, he’s cool, and he doesn’t hard pose his backbones down a red carpet and endanger others with his starving hips. But she tries so f-cking hard. And she really shouldn’t have to. She is a delightful, talented actor and she’s letting those bad voices eat away at her gifts.

And...he loves her.

So it’s actually a bonus then, right? He loves her in spite of herself, and if that truly is the case, I love him back for it. But the analysis, it took us a long time to get here. And the moviegoers don’t spend that much time getting there for their quiver. So the first questions inevitably will be about that great divide: How can this be with that? And what does it say about that when he’s with this? Because this is a girl with a deep complex. Am dying to know how they work.

Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 2:26 PM

20 July 2010 Live Blog
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23sept10.aspx

PS. This is not Conan O’Brien or Colbert or Jon Stewart or anyone on late night. You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 6:58 AM

Bad with people
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26 August 2010 Smutty Shout-Out

http://www.laineygossip.com/Smutty_ShoutOuts_26aug10.aspx

as for a quick riddle – who went in for labia tightening surgery? 

Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 7:33 AM

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog__Tuesday_August_3_2010_.aspx

Matt and Ben are still tight. For sure. But Matt has other secrets to keep.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010 at 12:05 PM


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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_17aug10.aspx

Gretchen Mol has a 4 episode arc on Boardwalk Empire. That's convenient.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 11:56 AM


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"Bad with people" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_21sept10.aspx

It's not a late night talk show hosts. You're missing the clues.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_21sept10.aspx

[Comment From Irina]
bad with people = Scarlett's hubby?
Lainey: Irina - no.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_21sept10.aspx

It's not Conan.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_21sept10.aspx

It's not Craig Ferguson either.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM

Bad with people
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog_21sept10.aspx

and of course some riddle guesses but I’ll tell you off the top right now, it is absolutely NOT Jon Stewart.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM

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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_21sept10.aspx

Dear Gossips,

The Weekly LiveBlog is back today at 3pm ET/Noon PT. And also, if you haven’t already, and you can do so once a day, remember to enter the IT Lounge giveaway – a TIFF gift bag valued at $2,000 can be yours... and NOT my ma’s, the greedy Squawking Chicken, who has been calling me every day asking if someone has claimed the prize. Am convinced that there’s an entire generation of Chinese people who don’t understand contest deadlines. Click here for more.

It was a heavy column yesterday. Please scroll down to get caught up if you missed a few posts.

As for Ryan Reynolds – thanks for your emails getting on my ass to post it. The article is coming, I just have to finish writing. Soon though, promise, I haven’t forgotten. Also look out for the one about the beloved host of a popular, but not that popular, show who managed to make everyone hate him – it’s unanimous! – after what was supposed to be a play nice promotional tour. This one broke my heart a little.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 7:04 AM


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http://www.laineygossip.com/Bad_with_People_blind_riddle_21sept10.aspx

Maybe we’re not his species. But he broke hearts recently on a promotional tour and shat on all the little people in his way. Of course he turned it on for cameras, of course he was super nice to those with a higher profile, but assistants, crew, hair and makeup, drivers, all were beneath him, which is why he required his door opened every time, all the time, would make a stink if he had to help himself, and refused to make eye contact with the lowly helpers who were ordered to provide his refreshments.

At all stops he would sweep into the makeup room, total JLo/Mimi/Country Bitch/major ass diva styles, not bother with an introduction, put his feet up on the artist table, throw his head back, CLOSE HIS EYES, and EXPECT to be treated. No please, no thank you, not even any simple request, to the point where, on several occasions, no one knew what to do, until it had to be explained to them that this particular move signals that he’s ready to have his makeup either applied or taken off, depending on where we are in the day.

Ohhhhhh...

I’m sorry, I didn’t know.

Well of course that’s what it means.

Only a well mannered, well raised human being would expect someone who’s never met you before to automatically know what the f-ck it is that you’re asking for when you’re too special to have to ask for it in the first place. Asshole.

What a major disappointment. As for his victims? They are the sweetest, loveliest, gentlest people I’ve ever worked with. They’ve also worked with some of the biggest names in entertainment. And all of them said that this motherf-cker, with his little specialty show, could rival and surpass the top superstars in the world in attitude and f-ckery.

Bitch, you just lost a lot of fans.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 7:51 AM

Update (11/03/10):

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog__Tuesday_July_20_2010.aspx

[Comment From Candice]
Lainey - is it Kristen Stewart who hates her hair?
Lainey: Candice - No. Also not Heigl.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 12:13 PM

20 July 2010 Live Blog
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Weekly_Live_Blog__Tuesday_July_20_2010.aspx

also - which highly insecure actress is creating constant drama by refusing to attend social commitments because she hates her hair?
part 2 of blind: so her boyfriend goes to these functions and sheepishly has to make up one excuse after another.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 12:13 PM

Update (9/23/10):

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"Chocolate" reveal #5

2http://www.laineygossip.com/Elisabetta_Canalis_amazing_ass_vacationing_in_Lake_Como_28june10.aspx

An Italian Queen. THE Italian Queen.

She's in her homeland living the George Clooney life for the summer, vacationing at his annual retreat in Lake Como, boating with the girls the other day in a bikini, showing off her tight ass, a crazy ass. Perhaps that's how they communicate. Through her ass. Because the English, well, we're still working on the English.

I often say that the mark of a great ass is one that can speak to you in several different languages and do your homework if you ask it to. Elisabetta Canalis's ass can take you through a PhD, goddamn.

As for where George is - he's probably watching them frolic with a cigar in his mouth from the deck, glass of Jack in his right hand, maybe nibbling on a piece of dark chocolate in his left, although these days I hear he's trying to abstain. Watching his weight.

Monday, June 28, 2010 at 9:45 AM


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